You and God (Wife’s Heart)
God allowed me to marry a man without knowing any of his secret life. I prayed for a godly husband, and got a sex addict instead!
So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate. —Matthew 19:6
God knew your husband was a sex addict before you married him, watched as he kept his secret world from you, and allowed you to marry him without intervening. As the years passed, the Lord was there as your husband continued to deceive you and break your marriage vows.
Then, the truth was exposed, and you’re left with the broken pieces of your heart and a marriage that is on life support.
Where are you with your relationship with the Lord?
Are you angry at Him? Do you feel tricked? Have you distanced yourself from Him from the shock, perhaps to protect yourself? Do you see Him as cruel?
Or do you see Him as your loving Father in spite of what has happened?
You need God’s grace, mercy, guidance, wisdom, and comfort for the path ahead. If you have a distorted view of His character, are withdrawn from Him, or if you’re so furious that you want nothing to do with Him, you will be disconnected from the One Person you need the most.
This doesn’t mean you put on a happy Christian mask and pretend you’re good with God. No posers allowed here. We need to examine all of what’s going on in your heart for reconciliation and healing to occur.
Let’s look at what’s going on.
You and your husband have free will. God isn’t a master puppeteer, pulling broken men and women’s strings to make them do what He wants. That’s a master-slave relationship, not one born of love. I don’t want my wife or friends to do something for me because I coerced or manipulated them. I want it to come freely from their heart so I know their love for me is genuine.
Your husband can choose whether to indulge in porn and deceive you, or turn from his sin, get help, and love you. If your husband wants freedom from sin and is willing to do whatever it takes, he can have it because God came to set captives free (Luke 4:18).
You can choose whether you want to tough it out and work at rebuilding your marriage, or walk away and divorce your husband. You can run toward God with everything you have, or you can walk away from Him.
Free will makes life dangerous; anything can happen. You could do everything right and still lose your marriage if your husband doesn’t get help. Your husband could get help and break free, yet the marriage could end in divorce if you allow bitterness to own you or don’t take the steps to heal your heart.
Free will also makes life an exciting adventure. It is hard, at times miserably so, but to those who persevere and grow through the hard times, the rewards are deep and satisfying.
If you are slack in the day of distress, Your strength is limited. —Proverbs 24:10
Excerpted from Mike Genung’s book, Wife’s Heart; Healing from Your Husband’s Porn Addiction and Adultery.