Twelve Reminders

Posted On: Feb 28, 2019By Mike Genung

In closing, I’ll leave you with the following:

  1. Strive to live your priorities: God, spouse, children, then the rest. It takes consistent effort to filter out the chaff of life and home in on what’s important. If you get distracted and wander a little, refocus. I constantly have to remind myself that “Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church” is my second biggest priority. Maintain your relationship and keep the doors of communication open.
  2. Staying out of isolation by meeting consistently with other believers is meant to be our way of life, not a one-time thing we do in the recovery process. I meet with other Christian men for at least one lunch every week for accountability and encouragement. Make transparent fellowship with other believers a lifelong habit.
  3. Date your spouse at least once a month. Go for a weekend getaway every three to six months, as finances and your schedule allows.
  4. I like to go alone for an overnight stay at a Christian retreat every four to six months to re-energize my relationship with God. You’ll be amazed at the difference this makes. Encourage each other to have extended periods of solitude with the Lord.
  5. Pray together on a daily basis.
  6. If you find you’ve drifted from each other, close the gap. Go back to doing the things you know you need to do.
  7. Encouraging words make a big difference, whether spoken or written. Leaving a surprise card or note for your spouse is a great way to lift them up. I have a Post-it note on my computer at the office Michelle left that says “I love you Mike.” It means a lot to me. I know Michelle likes cards and coffee, so occasionally I’ll get her a greeting card and slip a Starbucks gift card in there. If you run dry on ideas, ask the Lord to bring one to your mind.
  8. I think one of the hardest things in marriage is to accept all of our spouse’s faults on a consistent basis. If an issue arises, pray for the wisdom and humility to know how to proceed. There will be times when God will want you to gently confront your spouse, and others where He’ll ask that you to let it go and/or wait on Him. Or He might ask you to hug your spouse and tell them you love them (grace again… undeserved favor). Pray for wisdom before you respond.
  9. Prayer is a game changer. Pray for your spouse every day. Pray for compassion and love when you don’t feel like giving it. Pray for the will to do the things you know you need to. Encourage your spouse to pray. Suggest that the two of you pray if you’re in a tough place or don’t know how to proceed. Weave prayer into the fabric of your marriage and family.
  10. Speak the truth in love when confrontation is needed. It will help the other side receive what you have to say.
  11. Remember that your spouse is not your enemy; the devil will try to get you to bite on this lie when the going gets tough. Work with each other to solve problems. Proving you’re right isn’t as important as how you treat each other.
  12. Make sex a priority. Set the sheets on fire!

Excerpted from Mike Genung’s book, The Road to Grace for Couples; a Workbook for Healing from Porn and Adultery

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